Bram's Blog

Edit: My good friend Noah Tolson pointed out to me that my usage of Dharma was incorrect. In Buddhism, dharma refers to a sense of law and order. The correct word is Dukkha to describe suffering from attachment. The blog has been updated with the correct usage :) My first ever sequel blog! If you haven't read the first post, you likely won't understand what I'm saying (which might be entertaining, so go ahead). If you want to though, here is the first post: https://bramsfunblog.blogspot.com/2018/06/why-im-satanist.html How many beers do you think they had to drink before this seemed like a good idea? In the blog, I claimed an identity as a Satanist. But through the ensuing chastisement (luckily all in a generous spirit), I've realized that wasn't actually as useful as I thought it was. There are things I'm glad to have said. I am sympathetic to the character of Satan; I do think there seem to be problems with God and Jesus that make labeling myself as a...

We're right in it now: philosophy- that guilded and crushingly-serious domain of white men in togas (and now hipsters in over-priced coffee shops). Before you shutter and decide to pass this post up in favor of dank memes, though, let me promise you I'll still try (and fail) to make you laugh. You'll just have to do some thinking as well ;) Before we can even start, we've got to talk about both aesthetics and Existentialism. A chef has to understand its ingredients before it (notice the emphatic "it" instead of either "he" or "she"- it could be an animal doing the cheffing) can mix them together into something not quite as tasty as either, which is what I intend to do. Simone de Beauvoir- the face of existentialism and one hell of an aesthetically-appealing badass. I call this look "staring down both the void of your own radical freedom and the patriarchy at the same time and showing Sartre up" So what is aesthetics? G...

I don't want this to be a controversial post, but I'm aware that it will be taken as one. By identifying myself as a satanist, I need to be careful, because there are some aspects of Satanism that I do not identify with, so I don't want to be misconstrued and I also don't want to misrepresent the position of other Satanists. This is a blog post about my own personal interpretation of what it means to dawn the pentagram and call myself a Satanist. When you first hear the word Satanism, what comes to mind? If you're like most people you probably think of child sacrafice, malice, and evil. I imagine you picture the most perfect thing imaginable and then take the opposite of it. But what if I told you there was far more to this label than that? What if I could convince you that a compassionate, intelligent person could (and in my opinion should) identify as a Satanist? I imagine that would be incredibly traumatic for you if you've clung your whole life to a lovi...

If only they had that shit in my size I would be the fucking king bee They say that to truly understand another person you need to walk a mile in their shoes. Unfortunately, as I've been forced to realize, I can't fit into most women's shoes, so I guess the feminine will just be an eternal mystery (it's places like this that I am cripplingly aware of how much I need emojis to communicate, but they are not available on this blog platform. So for my sake, let's imagine that the word "spib" means the same thing as that one awkward emoji face with the sweat dripping down the forehead). Spib But luckily whoever invented that saying didn't literally mean that you have to wear another person's shoes to understand them. What they actually meant was that you have to go through the same things that they do on a daily basis. Unfortunately, that's also not possible. You can never go through exactly what another person goes through, so I guess we...

A quality fluffer doing you a cute Depression is like a fart in an elevator- it's a silent, smelly, mysterious force that affects most people and yet no one knows how to talk about it. Where did it come from and why is it here? Is it just that burrito you had for lunch? (and here's where the simile breaks down, but at least I tried). Jokes aside, depression is a very important issue that affects all of our lives. And hand in hand with depression is the issue of suicide ("gasp, he talked about suicide. People aren't supposed to talk about that"). Suicide is starting to get a lot more attention as a result of the high-profile celebrity suicides that are occurring with disturbing frequency. Kate Spade. Anthony Bourdain. Jesus Christ (sorry, couldn't resist the low-hanging fruit). And the problem with both depression and suicide is that we aren't talking about them in healthy ways. Because every time we avoid talking about this for the sake of not maki...

The smile says: "I ain't going to take your restrictive ideas on morality" Most people remember where they were when they first heard of Ayn Rand. I was a chipper, starry-eyed 16-year-old (who was deeply existentially depressed, but that's neither here nor there). Needless to say, coming from a thoroughly Judeo-Christian background I found her ideas challenging. If I recall correctly, her idea of objectivism actually caused a mental breakdown. I only got like 200 pages into "Atlas Shrugged" before I decided I just couldn't be bothered anymore (which I think is as far as anyone gets in that monstrously-long book) after which all of my knowledge of Ayn Rand came from second-hand sources (blogs, wikipedia, what have you...). But in the time since, I've developed something of a strong, suspicious respect for her ideas and for her deceptively-alluring smile. So what was it about Ayn Rand that so thoroughly shook me? What is Randian Objectivism and ...

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm obsessed with comedy. I like when people laugh for a lot of reasons. Laughter can take a bad situation and make it okay. Laughter helps people feel connected and is one of those rare moments when you can see through the facade of adulthood that we're all told we have to adopt if we want to be a respectable member of society. People look sort of ridiculous when they laugh (exhibit A: the picture on the right. Those idiots just look foolish for daring to show their teeth and close their eyes. A tiger could easily devour them since they've got their guard down). But more importantly, I love thinking about comedy in a pseudo-philosophical way. Why do we laugh? Is comedy good for society? Why the hell are doggo memes so amazing (if you can manage to look at the picture on the left and not laugh I both applaud you and at the same time am deeply suspicious that you are sectrely a robot)? Only the deep questions. And one of the biggest quest...